Fred and Marco: Final Grades – Fool and His Money

The final cut of Fred and Marco is now up and available right here. Six years of playing, working, sweating, editing. Let’s break down the performances.

Actor: B

I nailed it. I really did. A lot of times. I was bringing it. The fourth or fifth takes were often the best. Things got better and better as I went. Tons of improvisation, tons of action in the moment, tons of things arriving from what was there. Played multiple roles. Brought it. I had no idea where things were going after the fourth episode and said hand things to Fred and Marco and I did and well there you go. Love it. Look. Sorry. Played several parts and nailed it.

Yes, there was some shit. Marco’s laugh my wife says is messed up. But hey, I was playing a clown, so gonna cut myself some slack, okay?

The reason I gave myself a “B” is because I looked at the camera a lot. Like, a lot. And sometimes I had little bitchfests about how things were going and being tired and stuff. But I still got up. Yes!

Editor: A

This thing was a complete mess. That’s what happens when the actor is improvising the whole time and “handing things to the characters” and the director is trying to get coverage on the fly and generally thinks coverage is for pussies. It took a lot to get it in anything resembling some semblance of order. And then it took a lot to get a rough cut. And then it took a lot to get it finished. A computer died halfway through. A hard drive died three quarters of the way through. Luckily footage was backed up, the system and information flow and data was salvaged, no real time was lost. Good work man.

Director: A-

What? I’m the director. That’s what I’m giving myself. Deal with it. I gave myself an A- so as to seem humble, which suggests I am even more perfect than I believe, which is perfect. Ha. Outsmarted you there. Because I am. Smarter. See. Look. Got the chair.

In this shot the cinematographer laid an egg (turn a light on Fred) the sound guy must have been talking to his girlfriend on the phone, the director was proud of himself, the actors were still finding the roles, but Marie nailed it.

Producer: F

Hey guys, I got a great idea, we’ve got something like a rough cut, how about we blow this out there now, and I mean Austin and Sundance and Slamdance. See what we’ll do, is we’ll go to Austin for episode one, everyone will shit their pants and be like oh my god, yes, deaf jokes AND a guy hitting on an old lady selling aluminum siding, a guy who is not a name at all, who shot this on his still camera he takes pictures of his daughter with — THIS, THIS is just what we’ve been looking for — and oh yeah, it makes fun of the Spanish language in the first few minutes — isn’t this what we want? And he’s bald — and white! Score! Look, they’ll look past all of that, trust me, TRUST me, a guy in his pajamas is THE NEW THING. So we’ll submit to Austin, I know, I know, you guys are like hey, let’s do the job, but NO, trust me, and then people will shit themselves, and then we’ll get season four into Sundance and Slamdance, have this huge wave of just stoke, and it’ll totally blow, trust me! Oh yeah, we don’t have any money, and sorry but no, we’re just going to have to keep finding locations, and hey, why not just ask your wife to be in it again, she’s nice and hot and you want a kid, how about your own kid, what don’t you like to play with your kid, and you know what, it would be cool to have extras in the final scenes with Fred but you’ve had so much fun playing all these parts, just keep going bud, and sure, I know the sd cards are wearing out, but money doesn’t grow on trees, and I need my coffee, and by the way, is your wife going to cover health insurance again? No, oh well, we don’t need that, do we guys!

Cinematographer: F to B

The first scene and the second scene blew. But by the time I got to episode ten and eleven, particularly the dream sequence w Marco, I had a clue what I was doing. I am proud of pulling off the final scene at the house, for anyone that is a feat, and it came through w flying colors. I also love everything that happened with Fred and Plungeit. Stoked. Any time you get the shot it’s a win.

In this shot, the cinematographer was on it, exposing multiple times as the light faded, the actors were sending it, the writer had set up tension with Andrew, so that the celebration was fun while it needed to be, and then became a problem when it needed to be, which made it more fun, and the director was proud of himself.

Craft services: B

You’re shooting this by yourself, on your own dime, and somehow find a way to keep eating, and it’s NOT just peanut butter all the time? Way to go bro!

Sound Guy: D

Hey, I know everybody, since we’re improvising, just include noises as part of the scene. An offer. Okay I’m going to have a sandwich.

Production assistant: B

This was my kid. She nailed it. Except in the super important scene with Fred when she was home with me from preschool that day and thought it would be fun to try to get me to break while saying Fred’s big lines about his french self by making this pfft sound off screen. Good thing she’s cute. And you know, a kid. And you know, I can adr the lines later. Otherwise that would be f city man

Everyone should be rightfully proud of this shot. Especially the Director, who realized he had to kill a baby and did.

Groupie: A

My wife stuck by my side and was even still into me even though, well you know, none of the stuff the producer was pimping happened.

There she is. Joining me in “Fridays at the Community Center” to help me grab a shot while on vacation and build up Tom and Ted.

Writer: A

Couch rabbits for farts? The ending with Fred? The dream scene with Marco and marie/kayla? Marco’s big day? Fred’s dialogue in episode 9? Marco schmoozing with Marie? Andrew? Fred quoting Roosevelt while mentioning other sayings from the sandwich shop, and it working?

What can I say. FIRE!

In this shot, the cinematographer did pretty good, I’m fairly certain the frame rate was messed up, but that may have happened in post, the special effects guy/meaning editor with another job did well to get EOPT Day’s giant poster on the side of the building, the actor showed guts by shooting this wild and in public in downtown Seattle, the producer was fine with that, and the director got pissy because he felt others were stealing his glory, which means he did great.

Publicist: F

Who is reading this anyway, other than my wife? Anyone? How did you get here? Because that guy sits in his room and looks at pictures of Montana all the time. Seriously, how did you get here? I really want to know.

In this shot, the producer borrowed a room from a family on vacation, the sound guy asked nicely if they could keep it down, the actors brought it, and the editor and writer earned their stripes.

Final Grade: A

Yeah that’s right. Deal with it. So…there.